Wednesday, March 27, 2013

an outfit {finally!!} and some response

ok let's talk about the outfit first ..

RT has been in training so he hasn't been home during a time when i could take outfit pics for the last two weeks .. i don't have anyone else to take them which means that my only option is to use a tripod and the timer on my camera. the problem is that i am basically horrible at this technique and all of these pictures ended up being really far away. so i had to crop them and the the clarity isn't so great. but this is first and foremost a fashion blog and i was dying to finally post another outfit

this dress is actually my mom's .. she let me borrow it back when i was having to wear dresses everyday and it is super cute so i thought i would get at least one more wear before i return it to her

it has randomly gotten cold here again .. of course because i already switched out all of my winter clothes for my summer clothes in my closet {ha!} but it is giving me a good excuse to continue wearing my clothes that .. very very soon will be put away in the darkness under my bed forever and ever .. because that is how long it stays hot here in the wonderful TX :)

dress: madison marcus
tights: free people
shoes: dolce vita

moving on ..
there has been .. as i knew there would be .. a lot of response from family and friends about my post on monday
as a blogger .. it is hard to decide what to put out there for all the world to see and what to keep to myself. i have no rhyme or reason to what i choose to share. monday i needed to vent .. to get my true feelings out in the open. to allow myself to accept my frustration

my dad called yesterday morning to talk about what i wrote
i figured it wouldn't go unnoticed
he wanted to talk about the spiritual warfare that is going on inside me
and the thing is that i recognize it .. i know that satan is taking advantage of my vulnerability and trying to turn me away from my LORD. that is the last thing i want but so far i am having trouble putting satan behind me and keeping my eyes on the cross

my mom sent me an email yesterday afternoon that was pretty insightful ..
the title was come to the end of yourself .. it was written by rick warren

there were several points in the email that really resonated with me ..

"life is a struggle .. but what most people don't realize is that our struggle is with GOD! we want to be GOD .. and there is no way we are going to win that struggle. but we try anyway"

"we accept our humanity intellectually but not emotionally. we give mental assent to the idea. but when faced with our own limitations we react with irritation anger and resentment"

as i am sitting here thinking about it .. i do not want to be in control of my life. i will mess everything up for sure. but on the other hand .. i do want a baby .. i want a baby yesterday and i don't want to have to go through all of the i word hooplah to get one .. or two :)

i do not want to win my internal struggle .. i want to give it all up to HIM .. but i am trying anyway. trying to battle with GOD .. just writing those words makes me feel like the biggest idiot .. who battles with GOD and expects to win?!? dummies that's who {ha!}

i am faced with my human limitations
with having to wait on HIM
and i am reacting with irritation and anger and resentment

but i don't want to be 
i am trying hard to battle the evil that is tugging on my heart
but .. at least for now .. it is an ongoing battle

anyway .. i will quit with all of the deep emotional mumbo jumbo {ha!} it's just that my life seems to be a little bit deep and emotional right now but i think i am freaking people out so i promise to lighten the mood around here from now on :)

happy wednesday!!

1 comment:

  1. maybe i should have read this post first... :) still, i love your honesty and your openness about everything that's going on and i can't imagine how hard everyday must be. keep your head up and stay hopeful. the best is yet to come. you have a team of prayer warriors praying for you and the LORD knows what is absolutely best for you and Ryan. love you nanc!