Thursday, October 22, 2015

you've got no mail

you have all seen the movie you’ve got mail right??

you know that line at the very beginning when kathleen kelly {meg ryan} says ..

what will ny152 say today .. i wonder
i turn on my computer
i wait impatiently as it connects
i go online .. and my breath catches in my chest until i hear three little words
you’ve got mail
i hear nothing
not even a sound on the streets of new york
just the beating of my own heart
i have mail
from you

that is a pretty accurate description of how i feel every thirty seconds when i check my email
for that brief instant as my mail refreshes
i hold my breath and my heart rate speeds up
the anticipation is immense 

but the difference is that i am not waiting on an email from a crush
i am waiting on an email from our adoption consultant
an email about a birth mom 
possibly our birth mom
who is carrying what could be our baby

but for the last ten days or so the silence in my inbox has been deafening
i wait with anticipation as the little ticker swirls and i pray that susan’s email address will pop up
that i will have something .. anything .. from her

this wait is intense 
and sometimes too hard
but we keep going
we keep waiting
because that is who we are
we persevere
and have faith

so .. for now .. i have no mail
but someday i will

happy thursday!!

Thursday, October 8, 2015

what not to say to someone who is adopting

i was at a birthday party a few nights ago and as the littlest was tottling around with all of the other kids .. the person sitting next to me commented on how cute she is and asked if RT and i want more kids
i told her that we do and that we are in the process of adopting
to which she kind of laughed and said .. oh so you will get pregnant again
she went on to say that exact same thing again later when i was asked by another person

just in case any of you every know someone who is adopting .. this is the wrong thing to say

i was nice in response and simply said .. our hearts are very invested in adoption and we really want to grow our family in that way .. but really i wanted to give her a dirty look and walk away without responding at all {and if i am really honest i also wanted to stick my tongue out at her like a two year old before i walked away}

i know she wasn’t trying to offend me which is why i chose not to be ugly to her and i know some of you might think i am a blogging contradiction right now because i did get pregnant while in the process of adopting
but .. just so you know .. making the choice to adopt is a very thoughtful decision
no one in their right mind would ever decide to adopt for the sole purpose of getting pregnant

first of all .. the adoption process can be very long
is for sure extremely emotional 
and is also a large financial commitment
second of all .. a person who is adopting is doing so because they have a strong desireand feel very committed to and invested in the process
and third of all .. that just makes no sense

yes .. RT and i have infertility issues
yes .. we were told we could not get pregnant 
and yes .. we did end up getting pregnant while we were in the process of adopting
but .. getting pregnant was not a result of choosing to adopt
it never is 
for anyone
the two are mutually exclusive
and suggesting otherwise is not cute or funny .. it is offensive
no matter how many people you have known who have gotten pregnant while adopting

i will now step down off of my soap box but i thought it best for me to tell you so that you don’t make this same unintentionally unkind mistake
you. are. welcome. {ha!}

happy thursday!!