on the real

RT takes the pictures for my blog and he left the house a little bit earlier than normal today to go play golf so there was no time for outfit pictures. i decided the next best thing would be to lay it all out and capture it that way. i have tried to take pictures myself with a stand and a timer in the past but it takes FOREVER and the quality is always pretty boo boo. so there ya have it.

something that has been on my mind lately is getting comfortable with who i am. who i really truly am way down deep in my core .. and on the surface i guess.

you see i look around and see all different kinds of people.

some are trying hard to be "normal" .. whatever their definition of that word is .. they want to fit in .. act like .. look like .. be just like those they choose to surround themselves with. i picture 'the plactics' from the movie mean girls.

then you have those that are trying as hard as they can to be "different" .. again the definition of the word is key and also dependant on the person. but still they are normally a part of a group of people who all have the "different" goal. thus they too are striving to fit in. find acceptance. be liked. just not by the plastics.

i have .. at one point or another .. had both of these attitudes.
as a kid i went to private school and {as much as i hate to admit it} i was our version of plastic. i desperately clung to the acceptance of the people i was friends with and i would have done or said anything to stay a part of that group.
then in high school i went through some tough stuff and ended up switching to public school. it was a great decision and with these challenges and changes i made the abrupt switch to trying to be different. i still had friends and i still wanted their acceptance but i didn't necessarily want to be POPULAR. as a matter of fact the mention of that word might have actually made me gag back then.

finally in college i fell into the group of friends that i have now and we are all so different that it is basically impossible to try and be just like everyone else. i love it. transitioning to college i lost touch with everyone i knew in high school and started over AGAIN. and again it was perfect for me. i was forced to be honest with myself about what i wanted to do and who i wanted to be. from there it was easy to just kind of fall in with a group of friends .. and later a husband .. that we all just accept each other. no matter what. i hope it will always be this way.

all of the people that i was friends with when i was in elementary school and middle school are still friends with each other. all of the people that i was friends with when i was in high school are still friends with each other. i think that is so special and occassionally i have little pangs of remorse that i am no longer in touch with those people but it just wasn't what was right for me. for my life. i changed. and i think {hope} it was for the better. i have to trust that GOD is leading me down HIS very specific path and would not lead me astray.

all of this to say that as i have grown i have changed and hope to continue to change. in light of this i have a new personal goal .. to get to know myself. on the real. to learn and embrace all of my quirks and crannies. you see i still want to fit in .. be liked .. find acceptance but i think everyone does. the thing is that i am never going to be anyone but me. and i wouldn't want to be. CONFIDENCE HERE I COME {ha!}

ok ok .. i know .. enough ..

happy wednesday!!