Wednesday, April 22, 2015


maybe you are tired of reading about the i word and ivf and adoption

maybe you think i am living in the past

maybe you think i am unappreciative of the littlest

maybe you think i no longer have the right to write about the i word at all because we have the littlest


but i don't care
and i don't mean that as rude as it sounds

my truth is thatthe i word and ivf and adoption are our past and they are also our present and our future

my truth is that the littlest is an extreme joy and light in my life
she brought be happiness and healing in a time when i needed it most
i bask in blessing that she is in my life constantly and i praise God for her every minute of every day

so i am going to keep posting about the I word and ivf and adoption
and also the littlest and RT and the dogs and fashion and food and whatever else 

maybe you won't like that

maybe you will

i hope you do ;)

happy wednesday!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

just me and my girl

i have just run in the door from another day of work
things are extra busy because it is the end of the year
i don't know why that equals crazy land but it definitely does 
fun land but crazy land none the less

anyway i get home and i scoop up the littlest 
she gets so excited to see me and that is a fabulous feeling
i sit and talk with her for a few minutes befor i change her diaper and take her into her room
i zip her into her sleep sack
turn on her ocean waves
sit down in the rocking chair 
and take a deep satisfied breath

as i look down at my precious perfect daughter i can't help but thank God for her over and over
i do this every time i nurse her

it strikes me what a true joy nursing my baby is for me
i know that nursing isn't for everyone and i have absolutely no judgement at all if you couldn't or you made a different choice
but for me .. it is one of my most favorite things in the world

the littlest is a busy girl so this is the only time when she is calm and snugly
it's a time that is just for me and her
we sit and look at each other and i pray over her and it is when i feel the closest with her
it is very special to me

happy monday

Friday, April 17, 2015


the littlest is now seven months old
everyone tells me all the time that they grow up so fast and i have always believed them but good gracious it is a little bit shocking
especially as young as she is .. she is growing like a weed and learning about a million new things a day

she weighs sixteen pounds and now has five teeth .. the two in the front on the bottom and three on the top. she got the teeth on either side on her front two on top and looked like a cutie little vampire for a week or so but now one of her front ones has cut through too :)

the littlest is rolling and "crawling" all over the house. currently she doesn't crawl for real .. she gets up on all fours and rocks and then kinds throws herself forward onto her belly. then she will shimmy forward on her belly a little before she pops back up on her hands and knees. it is pretty hilarious but i am sure she will be crawling for real very shortly

she loves to play with toys of all kinds and to bounce in her exersaucer
she loves the dogs

she sits up on her own now and is working on getting herself into a sitting position once she gets to the toy she wants

she is eating all kinds of food and so far seems to be a pretty good eater

the littlest is the brightest light in our lives and watching her grow and learn is such a joy

happy weekend!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2015


on sunday in church our pastor was talking about GOD's plan versus our plan
sometimes when i am sitting in church i feel like i might as well be sitting in there with a spotlight over me and the pastor turned talking directly to me and never even acknowledging the rest of the people
do you ever feel that way??

if you were to ask me who's plan i prefer .. mine or GOD's i would say GOD's every time
in my head and in my heart i know that for a fact

and yet i instinctively try to be in control
i want to plan out every second of my life and i feel like GOD should just go along with that

i want good things
things i think GOD wants for me
i want health and happiness for the people that i love
i want financial security for the people that i love
i want my little family to continue to grow
and on and on .. ya know .. stuff like that

good stuff right??

the problem isn't what my wants are
the problem is my need to control the timing of everything

our i word issues are the most prominent example in my life so far ..
RT and i had a plan .. we would get pregnant in august of 2012
and then again a couple of years later
and then a couple of years after that

and then our plan changed {notice it was still our plan}
ivf would work
so we would get pregnant in april of 2013

and then our plan changed again
ivf would work
so we would get pregnant in july of 2013

and then our plan changed again
adoption would work {we still hope that it will}
and our baby would join our family in November 2013

and then our plan changed again
adoption would work {we still hope that it will}
and our baby would join our family in April 2014

and all the while GOD was shaking his head at us and telling us to just trust HIM because we would have our first baby in September 2014

i prayed all the time during all of that
i read my bible and worked through multiple devotionals
i wanted to be close to GOD
i wanted to feel HIS love
but i wasn't listening
that is key!!

and embarrassingly i don't think i ever began to listen in that particular situation .. i just quit talking to GOD about the i word for a while and started praising HIM for the littlest

so .. as i continue to work through the paperwork to update everything so that we are current with all of our adoption stuff .. i am trying to shut up and listen
because HIS plan is better than mine
no matter what
every. single. time.

wish me luck :)

happy Tuesday!!