to write or not to write

admittedly .. i waiver back and forth all of the time about whether or not to continue writing this blog of mine

now that i have the littlest .. this is most often not where i choose to spend my time
it used to be so easy to take outfit pictures on the regular and write multiple blog posts a week
but now .. during my down time i am sitting in the middle of my living room floor playing with toys and laughing as my one year old dances around me .. or i am relaxing on the couch enjoying dinner and some trashy tv with RT
they are where i want to invest my time
and while writing a post takes just a few short minutes .. for some reason it is no longer a priority for me

also .. since having the littlest .. i struggle with how much of my family i am sharing with the world
on one hand .. i love having a place to celebrate our lives and what we are doing .. whether that be the happy times or the harder times
it is great to have a place for family and friends to keep up with us and what we are doing
on the other hand .. i have this protective momma bear side that wants to shelter us and our lives

sometimes this blog is therapeutic for me
this is where i come to lay my feeling on the line
it helps me to truly identify what i am going through and work it out if i can write it down

i break through my barriers of insecurity by making myself vulnerable to my readers
this is who i am
this is what i do
this is my family
this is what i wear
this is how i feel
this is me
the good the bad and the ugly
for all to read

for today i press on and this continues to be a safe place for me
no matter if i write one post per day or one post per month

thank you for continuing to read and following along in this life of mine!!
happy wednesday!!

truth be told

truth be told .. it was something like 75 degrees here yesterday

admittedly not the most appropriate weather for velvet pants 

but .. in my defense .. it is november for goodness sake

someone must have forgotten to tell texas 

anyway .. i am considering moving into these pants on a permanent basis

they are stretchy and comfortable and basically feel like comfy sweats and yet they look super cute and way more dressed that sweats

in my opinion that makes them the most perfect pants that ever existed 

especially for those of us that work at preschool and have babies at home

happy tuesday!!

you've got no mail

you have all seen the movie you’ve got mail right??

you know that line at the very beginning when kathleen kelly {meg ryan} says ..

what will ny152 say today .. i wonder

i turn on my computer

i wait impatiently as it connects

i go online .. and my breath catches in my chest until i hear three little words

you’ve got mail

i hear nothing

not even a sound on the streets of new york

just the beating of my own heart

i have mail

from you

that is a pretty accurate description of how i feel every thirty seconds when i check my email

for that brief instant as my mail refreshes

i hold my breath and my heart rate speeds up

the anticipation is immense 

but the difference is that i am not waiting on an email from a crush

i am waiting on an email from our adoption consultant

an email about a birth mom 

possibly our birth mom

who is carrying what could be our baby

but for the last ten days or so the silence in my inbox has been deafening

i wait with anticipation as the little ticker swirls and i pray that susan’s email address will pop up

that i will have something .. anything .. from her

this wait is intense 

and sometimes too hard

but we keep going

we keep waiting

because that is who we are

we persevere

and have faith

so .. for now .. i have no mail

but someday i will

happy thursday!!

what not to say to someone who is adopting

i was at a birthday party a few nights ago and as the littlest was tottling around with all of the other kids .. the person sitting next to me commented on how cute she is and asked if RT and i want more kids

i told her that we do and that we are in the process of adopting

to which she kind of laughed and said .. oh so you will get pregnant again

she went on to say that exact same thing again later when i was asked by another person

just in case any of you every know someone who is adopting .. this is the wrong thing to say

i was nice in response and simply said .. our hearts are very invested in adoption and we really want to grow our family in that way .. but really i wanted to give her a dirty look and walk away without responding at all {and if i am really honest i also wanted to stick my tongue out at her like a two year old before i walked away}

i know she wasn’t trying to offend me which is why i chose not to be ugly to her and i know some of you might think i am a blogging contradiction right now because i did get pregnant while in the process of adopting

but .. just so you know .. making the choice to adopt is a very thoughtful decision

no one in their right mind would ever decide to adopt for the sole purpose of getting pregnant

first of all .. the adoption process can be very long

is for sure extremely emotional 

and is also a large financial commitment

second of all .. a person who is adopting is doing so because they have a strong desireand feel very committed to and invested in the process

and third of all .. that just makes no sense

yes .. RT and i have infertility issues

yes .. we were told we could not get pregnant 

and yes .. we did end up getting pregnant while we were in the process of adopting

but .. getting pregnant was not a result of choosing to adopt

it never is 

for anyone

the two are mutually exclusive

and suggesting otherwise is not cute or funny .. it is offensive

no matter how many people you have known who have gotten pregnant while adopting

i will now step down off of my soap box but i thought it best for me to tell you so that you don’t make this same unintentionally unkind mistake

you. are. welcome. {ha!}

happy thursday!!

the big o.n.e

yesterday the littlest turned one and my heart is overwhelmed
i spent most of the day trying not to cry but it wasn't necessarily sad .. it's just that this was the fastest year of my life
how is it possible that my brand newborn baby girl is already one year old?!?

she brings RT and i so much joy
she is growing and changing every second of everyday
she is a tiny little thing with a huge personality
and she is walking and talking like the toddler she is now officially

we had a little party at our house and it was so much fun
the littlest absolutely demolished her cake which was hilarious to watch
thank you to everyone who came over to celebrate our precious girl

happy birthday preshy!!
we love you so!!

a birthday baby flat lay because she is too busy to get an outfit picture :)

happy monday!!

watermelon

labor day is for hanging out on the dock and swimming in the lake

labor day is for an extra day off work to spend with family and friends

labor day is the final celebration of summer and the threshold of fall

but most importantly .. labor day is for chomping as much watermelon off the rind as your little tummy can hold :)

happy wednesday!!

back to school

today was the first day back to school
no more summer break for me
technically i work through the summer but the hours are very limited and even more flexible so i got to spend tons of time at home and doing fun things with RT and the littlest

i am glad for all of the kids to be back and to get the school year going but i am sad to be back to lots of time away from home
i don't think RT is very sad {ha!}
not that he wants me gone but he really loves his one on one time with the littlest on the days that he is home but i am at work

as far as first days go .. it was really pretty great!! all of the kids seemed to transition back into the swing of things fairly easy and even the littlest friends only struggled a little bit

so here is to a great school year!!
happy tuesday!!