Thursday, October 22, 2015

you've got no mail

you have all seen the movie you’ve got mail right??

you know that line at the very beginning when kathleen kelly {meg ryan} says ..

what will ny152 say today .. i wonder
i turn on my computer
i wait impatiently as it connects
i go online .. and my breath catches in my chest until i hear three little words
you’ve got mail
i hear nothing
not even a sound on the streets of new york
just the beating of my own heart
i have mail
from you

that is a pretty accurate description of how i feel every thirty seconds when i check my email
for that brief instant as my mail refreshes
i hold my breath and my heart rate speeds up
the anticipation is immense 

but the difference is that i am not waiting on an email from a crush
i am waiting on an email from our adoption consultant
an email about a birth mom 
possibly our birth mom
who is carrying what could be our baby

but for the last ten days or so the silence in my inbox has been deafening
i wait with anticipation as the little ticker swirls and i pray that susan’s email address will pop up
that i will have something .. anything .. from her

this wait is intense 
and sometimes too hard
but we keep going
we keep waiting
because that is who we are
we persevere
and have faith

so .. for now .. i have no mail
but someday i will

happy thursday!!

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