another year down

another year has come to a close and as i sat down to write this post i began reflecting on the events of the last year

it is hard to believe so much happened in just one year's time

there was lots of good and lots of bad

lots of happy and lots of sad

i suppose that is just how life goes

we started twenty fourteen newly matched with B and feeling hopeful for the first time since all of the hooplah that happened with M

sadly .. after having her baby she decided to parent

i still think about that baby girl every single day

after living with my parents for a year we moved back into our newly renovated house and we couldn't be happier with the outcome

we lost both of RT's grandfathers last year

the grief is immense 

their memories live on in our hearts

we found out i was pregnant .. against all medical odds .. with our tiny baby girl and spent much of the year going to doctors appointments and preparing to be parents 

i made the seemingly impossible decision to leave my job that i loved at the hoop to go back to work for my mom

that choice was the right one but is still bittersweet

of course the most important and exciting thing that happened in twenty fourteen was the birth of the littlest .. we could not be more in love with her and i am in a constant state of thanks that she is ours .. that i get to be this perfect baby girl's mommy

i am very interested to see what twenty fifteen will bring

if i have learned anything it is that life is unpredictable 

but .. unpredictable can be very very good :)

happy new year to you all!!

the close

dress: tory richard

belt: hand me down from my nana

shoes: dolce vita

as i reach the end of this pregnancy journey .. i am experiencing so many emotions .. woohoo hormones!

i am so thankful to have had the opportunity to carry this baby girl!!
i didn't think i would ever get to do that and it has been so incredibly enjoyable!!

if i never had .. that would be ok too .. you all know my passion for adoption and i by no means feel like biological relation is what makes up a family
we will absolutely have a family made up of both adopted and biological children
but i am still in awe of my GOD for choosing me to experience this miracle pregnancy
and that is exactly what it is .. we have been back to the infertility specialist and according to medical science .. we still have a 0% chance of becoming pregnant on our own

it's not luck you guys .. it's GOD

i am so excited to meet her

i am honestly kind of sad that i won't be pregnant anymore 

i am nervous about labor and delivery

i am nervous and excited about how this is going to change everything

but mostly i can't wait to get to hold her in my arms and for RT to get to hold her too

to just look into her eyes and finally have our baby

i look back at the last two years and can't believe all that we have been through

the summer we spent talking through wether or not we wanted to start trying to get pregnant

the three months we tried before RT suggested we see someone

the i word diagnosis

the first .. and then second .. failed rounds of ivf

the decision to start the adoption process

the match with M who turned out to have never been pregnant in the first place 

the match with B who decided to parent after having her baby

and now here we are .. on the very cusp of meeting our daughter

we have endured more than i would have ever thought i was capable of

i have felt pain and sadness and hurt and anger to extents that seem unreal 

but i have also felt hope and encouragement and excitement and faith

and every single bit of it is what got us to this place 

this place where our family of two becomes three {really six because the dogs are family too}

happy friday to all of you!!

i will be back after this little one shows her beautiful face :)

on the dark side

leggings and tank: gap maternity

top: free people

shoes: i honestly have no idea who makes them but i got them in 

new orleans and love love love them!!

i am normally a brights girl but sometimes you just have to venture over to the dark side ya know

i bought this revlon lip stick that RT described as blurple .. blackish purple .. and it is a fun change from the hot pink i normally wear
i love it!!

with the start of september .. my love of fall and winter has arrived in full swing but you see i live in the extreme heat that is the state of tx and it won't truly feel like fall for a couple more months probably

so for now i am just pretending :)

happy tuesday!!

a few weird things

top: heartloom

skirt: bobi

shoes: dolce vita

{one} i can't see my feet. and maybe this isn't weird to you. maybe you are thinking to yourself duh you dummy you are nine freakin months pregnant of course you can't see your feet but when you realize for the first time in your life that you actually cannot see your feet without bending way over and really trying hard at it .. it's totally weird!!

{two} on friday my mom and sister and three of her kids picked me up at home and we went to this garden by my house to pick up some locally grown produce {this place is totally awesome by the way and i am beyond pumped about my weekly goodie box of freshness} and afterward stopped to get frozen yogurt. because well you just have to make those kinds of stops sometimes. and as we were walking in i saw my reflection and was honest to goodness shocked by my big pregnant belly. i mean the thing is big. and even though it has been steadily getting that way for oh i don't know the last eight and a half months or so .. sometimes when i get a quick glimpse it shocks me a little .. weird!!

{three} RT asked me to make italian food one night for dinner this week. this is huge people!! italian is my most favorite but RT isn't much of a pasta person so i normally don't make it when he is home. a few days ago he legitimately asked .. with absolutely no prompting from me at all .. if i would make some baked ziti with meat sauce or something like that {his exact words} .. it's weird but i would be lying if i said i didn't do a pretty spectacular victory dance over it

{four} the hashtag #chihuahuasofinstagram exists ... this isn't so much weird as it is just plain flippin awesome!! i am a shameless chichi lover and i looked through all the #chihuahuasofinstagram photos for about an hour the other night

{five} it's baby month!! i am going to be a mom before this month ends!! A MOM .. please take a second to let that soak in .. i have been hoping and wishing and praying for this for a long time and we are so close now .. i  can't believe it!! i am so so excited!!

happy tuesday!!

finishing touches

hat: michael stars
dress: free people
shoes: circus by sam edelman

it is crib painting day

RT and my brother in law are at my house as we speak painting the cribs that my my sister and brother in law gave to us

i am sure that sounds crazy as close as we are to having this little girl 

but hey better late than never right {ha!}

and we do have a bassinet for her to sleep in if she came today for some reason so it's not as crazy as it sounds

once that crib dries .. we will put it together .. put the sheets on .. and then every single thing will be fully ready

twenty two days until due date!!

happy thursday!!

upside down

dress: sam+lavi

belt: urban outfitters

shoes: jeffrey campbell

she has flipped!!
woohoo!!
i am so very thankful!!

at this point we are just anxiously awaiting babyP's arrival
i am going to pack a hospital bag this afternoon so that when the time comes all we have to do is jump in the car and go
i want her to stay in for as long as possible but i am so dang excited to meet her i can hardly even control myself

i am for sure feeling subtle differences in my body everyday
yesterday afternoon .. RT was at work and i got home from work pretty early so i was just watching some tv with the dogs and i fell asleep and didn't wake up for several hours
y'all! i am not a napper .. not that i don't like to nap but i generally can't nap and yet yesterday i had no trouble at all {ha!}
it is funny how you feel like you aren't doing much at all but in reality housing another human being is a pretty big deal
my body clearly gets more tired than normal

twenty three days until her due date .. we will see when she decides to make her debut :)

happy wednesday!!

right here right now

top:madison marcus
pants: citizens of humanity maternity
shoes: free people

another school year is about to start .. or for some has already started .. and i am just struck with how quick time flies

and honestly the older i get the faster it goes

and now i am struck by how much i sound like a grandmother right now

but seriously .. think back to when you were in elementary school and how on the first day of school you thought forward to Christmas break and how looonnnnggg you would have to wait for it .. and when Christmas finally did come it really felt like it had been forever

now Christmas comes around about as often and i take a breath

this pregnancy has whizzed by in a blur of tiny kicks and rolls and hiccups and now it is almost over
i know her life will be the same way
and that already makes me want to hold fast to the right now
to cherish every second of her before she is born
to hold her
and snuggle her
and kiss her
and smell her
and ..
and ..
and ..
every chance i get after she is here

to be in the here and now .. which i often struggle with .. i don't want to dwell on the past or long for the future .. i just want to be right where i am .. no matter if that is happy or sad or easy or hard

happy friday!!

inching horizontally toward the finish line

top: ii sisters

jeans: liz lange maternity

shoes: michael kors

this past saturday was my baby shower and i had so much fun!!

so many of our family and friends came to celebrate with me and i am continually thankful for each and every person

sunday i spent all day cleaning and sterilizing the fun goodies that babyP got and yesterday i worked hard to get everything organized

now all that is left is RT still needs to paint her crib so we can set that up, we need to move the bassinet that is currently in her room into our room and we will be completely ready for her arrival

i had an appointment with my doctor yesterday afternoon and baby girl was all curled up so at this point we don't know for sure but the doc thinks she is probably still breech
she has two more weeks before she will probably be too big to flip on her own so keeping that on your prayer list would be greatly appreciated!!

happy tuesday!!