what now you ask?

an oldie but a goodie :)

hello there all of you lovely readers :)

boy has it been a whirlwind couple of weeks

sooooo .. we are adopting .. 

after our last negative pregnancy test RT and i realized that clearly that is not the path we are intended to be on. not right now at least. we prayed about it a lot and had everyone we know praying for us and talking to people and we realized that adoption is the direction in which we are being lead

when i was growing up, my mom's oldest sister and her family lived in a house that had a garage apartment behind it. they always had seminary students and their families living there and for several years it was a couple and eventually their two daughters. after he graduated seminary, they moved away but my aunt has kept in touch with them. during one conversation, my aunt was telling our story and the woman said that she had some good friends who had adopted using a consultant with christian adoption consultants and thought it might be worth looking into

my aunt passed all of this info on to my mom who then passed it to me and .. after talking to RT .. i immediately called susan. i just knew in my heart that this was right

i left her a message and even though she was on vacation she called me right back {i had some guilt about that :) but she was very sweet and assured me i wasn't interrupting}. within days we had turned in our paperwork to begin working with susan as our adoption consultant and we have already been infinitely grateful for her. all of our family and friends so far have been really lucky and have been able to get pregnant naturally so we know absolutely nothing about adoption. she has been a huge help and guide through this process so far and i know that we will continue to be more and more thankful to have her mentoring us

adoption requires a lot of paperwork that can be overwhelming and i know the wait to be chosen by a birth family can be long but we are honestly really excited. susan has welcomed us into a community of other adoptive families she either worked with in the past or is currently working with and seeing their pictures and hearing their story fills my heart

this is where we are meant to be right now

i know there is still the potential for heart break no matter what road we are on. i have no expectations of a fairy tale story. it sure hasn't been one so far. but i also know that somewhere out there is a birth family that the Lord intends just for us. a family that is going to choose us to have the privilege of raising their child. i am praying for them and their baby constantly

the baby that will call us mom and dad

the thought consumes me

i love them so much already {is that crazy??}

happy tuesday!!

a very quick hello

hey guys! so sorry i have been neglecting this blog so bad .. i have been working all day every day trying to get all of our adoption paperwork together. i know it can sometimes be a long process and i don't want us to be the reason for any kind of hold up. it is crazy how much stuff you have to get together and we have an adoption consultant helping SO much {i will tell you more about all of this soon :)}. i can't even imagine what it would be like if we didn't

anyway these presh pictures of me with all of my friends were taken by my friend mazie. last weekend we travelled south and stayed together for bridget's bachelorette party and it was an absolute blast! i always love having girl time and a whole weekend of it is all the better. love my girls!

happy weekend everyone!!

pump it up

top: de lux     tank: target     skirt: french connection     shoes: dolce vita

so tomorrow RT and i have the day off together and i've gotta tell ya i am pretty pumped about it. pending we get the list of all of the paperwork we need to acquire in order to schedule our adoption home study we are going to spend the day working on that. if not then i don't know what we will do but regardless i will get to spend the day with my husband. woohoo!!

i wore this sequined skirt and tshirt to work yesterday. it was the perfect monday outfit because the tshirt and flats were easy and comfy but the skirt pumped it up a notch

and while we are on the subject these are literally my only pair of flat sandals that aren't reef flip flops from back in my high school days. i keep ordering flats from zappos {my absolute favorite online shopping EVER!!} but when they come in i put them on and hate them every time. i am just  heels girl through and through

anyway .. happy tuesday!!

finding content

top: trina turk
skirt: i honestly have no earthly idea
shoes: sam edelman

this past sunday we started a “finding the one” series at church. while this doesn’t directly pertain to me .. obviously i have already found the one {ha!} .. the message on sunday spoke loud and clear. chris delivered a message about finding complete contentment in Christ. he explained that if your contentment relies on Christ + anything else then you will never attain true peace

he might as well have been talking directly to me. with all of the i word issues we have been dealing with .. i have to be honest and confess that i am not content. i have been pleading with God .. if you will just bless us with the baby we want so desperately then i will be fulfilled .. i will need nothing else. while i truly believe that the Lord has given us the desire that we have to raise children and i know one day we will have kids .. i have not been content solely in Christ. i have to learn to be. i have to put in the time and work to be completely fine with whatever season God has me in

Hebrews 2:1 says .. for this reason we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it 

i keep thinking that i wish we weren’t going through this and i do so terribly wish that we weren’t  but while the i word has been close to impossible to endure .. there have also been some positive consequences. RT and i have learned to fully rely on each other. we are the only ones who truly understand our situation. sure plenty of others have gone through the i word and some have much worse stories than we do but every experience is different. nobody knows exactly how we feel except for us. we have gone through times where we have been closer than ever and times where we feel quite distant but regardless .. we are in this together. i find so much comfort in my incredible partner. we have also been forced to really look at our relationship with God. we have had to realize that we have to either fully trust or turn away. thankfully we both have strong faith that our Lord has a perfect plan and for some reason this is part of it. so even though it seems much easier to coast through life .. weathering the storm forces us to be fully aware and to make decisions strategically instead of just letting things happen how they happen. if nothing else .. this has kept us on our toes

so .. as i am sure you can tell .. i am not pregnant .. AGAIN. to know that we transferred two completely rock star genetically correct embryos and i am still not pregnant is {to say the least} devastating. my doctor said that there is no rhyme or reason. they have done every blood test and run ever internal scan and my body is completely fine. for some reason .. i am simply rejecting our babies

we are heart broken

we still have one little girl embryo frozen that we will transfer one day but i am not in a place where i can emotionally handle that right now. i feel like we will be sending her to her death and i can’t bare the thought of that. i told RT .. we have to wait until i can be positive and excited about it. now is just not that time

one day sweet little girl .. we will come for you

so for now .. we are going to take the adoption route and for the first time in a while .. we are both really excited

this feels right

happy wednesday!!

LBD

dress: heather
shoes: luichiny
necklace: street vendor in greece

hey there! long time no talk ... i have been away from this blog for two weeks and i gotta tell ya i needed the break. sometimes it is just necessary to take some time away from everything you know what i mean

anyway .. i know there are all of these items that you are supposed to have in your closet and a classic little black dress is one of them but i just don't have one. and i have never gone to my closet and thought dang! i really need a LBD. i am not really a plain black dress kind of girl .. unless it is this one :)

this dress is AH! MAZE! ING! it is so soft and comfy and the exaggerated hemline gives it that little something unexpected that i crave in outfits that are all one color .. especially if that color is black

and let me also say praise the Lord for the rain!! it has been miserably dry and hot here and we are finally seeing some relief .. keep it comin!!

happy tuesday!!

flower bomb at the hoop

dress: vintage
shoes: mia {from so long ago i can't even remember back that far ha!}

good news everyone .. tomorrow is the fourth of july!!

i personally love the fourth and we are going to have a big time with friends and family. what are all of your plans??

if you have been reading this blog for a while then i am sure you have seen this dress a time or two but it is the perfect ultra feminine summer dress don't you think!? i wouldn't necessarily say that i tend to dress ultra feminine but sometimes you have to dig down deep for your inner audrey hepburn and go for it .. at least that's how i feel about it {ha!}

the hoop is closed for the rest of the week and i am really bad about keeping up with the blog when i am at home spending time with all of my favorite people so i probably won't be back until next week .. see you all then :)

happy fourth of july weekend!!

my favorite accessory

top: free people
bottoms: genetic denim
shoes: sam edelman

when i was in eighth or ninth grade my mom got this little white dog named minnie. we have always had dogs and cats and been a family with multiple pets but up until minnie we had never had a little sheshe dog. i will never forget what one of my mom's friends said to her ..

nancy, that is not a dog it's a purse .. she goes everywhere with you

mom didn't take that to heart so much. minnie doesn't really go anywhere but fast forward several years to when i got layla and i heard the statement loud and clear. she is just like a purse. i sling her over my arm and she goes a lot of places with me. she is my constant companion and i wouldn't have it any other way. not to mention that she is just so dang cute {ha!}

hope you all had a fabulous weekend!!

happy monday!!