on the road again

dress: mara hoffman
shoes: dolce vita

i heard a song called strong enough by matthew west on my way home yesterday and the lyrics really portray how i am feeling as the start date of our next i word cycle approaches. i have been on two different pills for the past couple of weeks but my shots and all of that starts monday

so .. where am i as far as heart and mind going into this next cycle??

i feel completely different

i almost don't feel at all which is kind of weird

if i am being honest .. i don't think it is going to work

knowing that we had a 70+% chance of getting pregnant last time with two perfect looking embryos and we still didn't get pregnant .. i just think maybe we aren't meant to have biological children

RT really wants to try this again at least one more time though so here we go :)

wish us luck!!

you must think i'm strong to give me what i'm going through 

well forgive me if i'm wrong but this looks like more than i can do on my own

maybe that's the point .. to reach the point of giving up

cause when i'm finally at rock bottom that's when i start looking up and reaching out

cause i'm broken down to nothing but i'm still holding on to the one thing 

you are GOD and you are strong when i am weak

i can do all things through CHRIST who gives me strength and i don't have to be strong enough

i know i'm not strong enough to be everything i'm supposed to be

i give up .. i'm not strong enough

hands of mercy won't you cover me

LORD right now i'm asking you to be strong enough for the both of us

--matthew west

celebration

top: equipment
skirt: madison marcus
shoes: sam edleman

saturday night RT took me on an over night date for our anniversary. we spent the entire day together and then checked into the hotel that we stayed in on our wedding night. he had even reserved the exact room we stayed in .. such a sweet man he is. we went out to one of our favorite restaurants for dinner and the next morning we ordered room service and watched a movie in our pjs before we had to check out

it was perfect!!

we have gone on a trip of some sort for each of our previous anniversaries but with the house remodel .. the i word .. and a trip to the dominican republic for the wedding of some of our closest friends coming up in august .. we decided to make this year a little more low key. it was just as special though :)

hope you all had a wonderful memorial day weekend!!

happy tuesday!!

progress

since the last post about the house we have been at a stand still. our city requires both a remodel permit and an addition permit. the remodel permit came it nice and quick but the addition permit just came through wednesday afternoon. the concrete guy has to have a permit to pour concrete in our forms and that was the next step so our poor little gutted house was just sitting there

from the front it still looks the same

but as soon as you walk in the front door it looks like a bomb went off .. in a good way if that exists {ha!}

see that hole in the floor up there ^^?? it was cut so that they could pour concrete footers under the floors to support the new second story 

when i took this picture i was standing against the big picture window in our living room. you can see the very back wall!! isnt that crazy?!?

here you are looking at what used to be our guest bedroom .. the entry to and a little bit of our master bedroom .. our master bathroom .. and our laundry room

more concrete footers in the very middle of the house ..

and this is going to be our brand new master bedroom

 lets all stand up and cheer for some more progress on the house!! woop!!

happy weekend!!

leather

today is our third wedding anniversary

when i think back on our wedding it seems like it just happened. the memories of that night are so vivid and fresh that it  makes me feel like there is no way we have already been married for three years

but when i think about all that we have experienced and been through together in the last three years .. it feels like so much longer

what a man i have chosen. he is my everything. he is sweet and kind and thoughtful and helpful and supportive and strong and handsome and fun and funny and so many other fabulous things that i could never list them all. as cliche and cheesy as this sounds .. i honestly feel like the luckiest girl in the world every single day

to be able to spend my life with this man is more than i could ever dream of

happy three years to you my sweet love and here is to many many more :)

happy wednesday!!

taken from a friend

top: madison marcus
bottoms: rich + skinny
shoes:  luichiny

my mom’s best friend who is very near and dear to me posted this prayer on her facebook yesterday. it is so pertinent to me and our i word situation that i wanted to repost it here ..

dear FATHER.. you know how I have resented the problems in my life 

and you know how I have resisted the things that have caused me pain that i can’t change

you know that i’ve asked you many times for an explanation that has never come

today i want to stop fighting you over things i don’t understand

forgive me

i want to begin the path of personal peace

so i ask you for help

help me to change the things that i can

help me to accept the things that cannot be changed

help me JESUS to trust in your loving care when things don’t make sense

help me to trust that you are a good GOD and that you have my best interest at heart

today i make an unconditional surrender of all my life to your loving care and control

please give me your strength and wisdom and peace and purpose

i want to make peace with GOD by faith 

so that i can have the peace of GOD through you JESUS CHRIST 

amen

happy monday!!

head to toe t

top: target
skirt: anne segal
shoes:sam edelman

i love outfits like this! i am in t.shirt material from head to toe. what could be better?? i am crazy comfortable but still plenty dressed for work and a night out with RT

i have had this skirt for almost eight years and i think i like it even more now than when it was brand new. the t.shirt and shoes are new and i am love! love! loving! this super bright coral color .. all around good in my opinion

and .. i am finally debuting the new hair {now that the color has started fading and really needs a touch up ha!} i have been lusting over pink ombre hair on pinterest for a while now and finally decided to just go for it. what do you think?! i am totally obsessed!! RT loves it too .. which is just another of the billions of reasons we were meant to be together .. he completely embraces my more daring choices

happy weekend!!

demolition

last friday night RT picked me up from work and we went by our house to see the progress so far. RT had been by several times throughout the week but i hadn't seen it yet and they had been working on demo and laying the forms for our new bedroom and covered porch

i can't believe what it looks like!
from the front you can't even tell but pretty much all of our interior walls are gone
there are big rectangles cut out of the floor where they are going to insert concrete footers to support the second floor

when you stand inside against the far south wall you can see all the way through to the north wall of the house .. that used to be our bedroom and bathroom separate from our guest bedroom separate from our kitchen separate from our laundry room .. crazy!!

here are just a couple of the pictures that i took .. there is no turning back now :)

this is a view standing in our backyard looking at the back of the house 

you can see where the forms have been built for the new covered porch and for our master bedroom addition

hopefully they will be pouring the concrete in the forms this week but we are still waiting on one permit to come through from the city

this is our kitchen that will not be the kitchen anymore :)

this is our master bedroom that is going to be our closet and bathroom when the remodel is finished

so so excited!!

happy wednesday!!

raise your hand

will all the mothers in the room please raise their hands

that is the first thing that was said at church yesterday morning

instant tears

it was in church on mother's day last year that the i want a baby bug bit me for the first time

yesterday morning i couldn't raise my hand
i am not a mother

it is as if my heart is in a vice grip and sometimes the pain isn't so bad but then in an instant the grip will squeeze tight and i feel like i will not survive the hurt

it honestly isn't that i can't stand for other people to be mothers. i want for everyone in church that has the privledge of being a mom to raise their hand. i want them to be recognized for all that they do. i want to celebrate the mothers in my life .. mine .. RTs .. our grandmothers .. our sisters .. our friends .. i want to celebrate all of the mommas out there

it's just that i want to be one of them so bad

i want to raise my hand

it is not about jealousy 

it is about personal sadness

personal desire

i know that someday i will be a mother 

i know that someday RT and i will look back at this time with our kids running around at our feet and it will be a distant memory

i know that someday i will know what our family looks like

but today is not that day

and that just plain makes me sad

clowning around

hello there all :)

top: target

pants: motel rocks

shoes: lauren conrad

necklace: bought from a street vendor in greece

i bought these pants to wear for my halloween costume .. i was some sort of deranged clown but i have to be honest .. i absolutely love them as everyday pants too!! the multi colored stripe is so much fun and paired with the most simple grey t.shirt and black sandals and it is the most effortless outfit in the world but still makes a pretty rad statement {yes i just used the word rad .. get over it ha!}

anyway .. they started demo on our house this week! i haven't been to see it yet but RT took video when he was over there a couple of days ago and it is unbelievable!! all of our walls are gone .. which i obviously knew was going to happen but still it is insane to see it like that!! we are going to go by there tomorrow when i get of work so i will take some pictures to share :)

happy thursday!!

hashtag i word problems

we are water people. we love to spend the warm weather months at the pool or the lake with family and friends .. especially now that we are living on the lake. so naturally swimwear is a major part of my summer wardrobe :)

i usually get one or two new suits at the beginning of each season but this year it is completely different. much much harder!!

it often takes me a couple of weeks of searching to finally decide on the one(s) i want but there are new factors this time around. things i have to think about because of the stupid i word. yet another of the ever growing list of things i never in a million years thought i would have to think about

i start shots for i word cycle #2 on june 3rd .. right at the beginning of really great pool/lake season. so that means i am going to have swollen ovaries and bruises all over my stomach .. super cute in a teeny bikini right?!? wrong!! and honestly there is just nothing i can do about the ovaries dilemma but i would like to cover the bruising if i can. and with all of that being said .. i still want to look cute and sexy in my swim suit

ugh! i am telling you .. i am sure this seems like the stupidest thing in the world but it really is hard

so i bought these mara hoffman bottoms and i really like them but i can't decide what style top i want..

via

and i also tried on and loved this suit that is also by mara hoffman but i'm not sure if it is all that functional for anything other than laying in the sun and the tan lines from this bad boy would be just awesome i am sure ..

via

and i like this one by 6 shore road but again i don't know how functional it would be and i don't think i have ever owned a plain black suit. i am a bright color and bold print kind of girl..

via

this last option is also by mara hoffman {i'm noticing a theme :)} and i think it is really cute but i just can't seem to pull the trigger on any of it

via

i am so used to buying standard bikinis and only having to think about the color and print #iwordproblems

ninety to nothing

dress: free people
slip: michael stars
shoes: michael kors

hey guys!

sorry i have not been good at updating the blog this week :(

i have been running ninety to nothing all week it seems like. i did get a chance to take these pictures of this completely ah!maze!ing! new dress from free people {thanks momma:)} though and i really wanted to share them with all of you :)

i also changed my hair in a big way earlier this week and i am completely obsessed with it so keep a look out for my next post so you can see it {ha!}

happy thursday!!