you've got no mail

you have all seen the movie you’ve got mail right??

you know that line at the very beginning when kathleen kelly {meg ryan} says ..

what will ny152 say today .. i wonder

i turn on my computer

i wait impatiently as it connects

i go online .. and my breath catches in my chest until i hear three little words

you’ve got mail

i hear nothing

not even a sound on the streets of new york

just the beating of my own heart

i have mail

from you

that is a pretty accurate description of how i feel every thirty seconds when i check my email

for that brief instant as my mail refreshes

i hold my breath and my heart rate speeds up

the anticipation is immense 

but the difference is that i am not waiting on an email from a crush

i am waiting on an email from our adoption consultant

an email about a birth mom 

possibly our birth mom

who is carrying what could be our baby

but for the last ten days or so the silence in my inbox has been deafening

i wait with anticipation as the little ticker swirls and i pray that susan’s email address will pop up

that i will have something .. anything .. from her

this wait is intense 

and sometimes too hard

but we keep going

we keep waiting

because that is who we are

we persevere

and have faith

so .. for now .. i have no mail

but someday i will

happy thursday!!