a very happy nye to you

it would be cool if i could figure out how to add videos to this here blog of mine because i used flipagram to create a cute little slideshow of some instas from this year but alas i cannot so here is an outfit including a trule phenominal coat that i got for Christmas :) and if you want to see the video head on over to my instagram account

jacket: mcginn
tshirt: target
jeans: tripp nyc
shoes: l.a.m.b.

as i am sure everyone else is doing .. today i find myself looking back and reflecting on the past year. my initial reaction is one of overwhelming and all consuming sadness. what a year of trials we have endured

but you know what .. we made it

we made it through two rounds of failed ivf
i would never have believed myself strong enough to make it through that

we made it through the waiting game of starting the adoption process and getting a finalized home study

we made it through being matched and building a relationship with m

and then we made it through m
she was possibly the hardest hurdle to jump
i still struggle with relinquishing the emotions i feel toward her
they are dark and powerful and i hate to give that to her

if someone had told me two years ago what we would endure in order to become parents i would never have tried
i would have continued to be content in my relationship with RT and never have even entertained the idea of having children
i would have been certain that i would not be strong enough to survive it all

and yet i have .. we have .. RT and i .. and all of our precious friends and family

so instead of reflecting on the sadness .. today i choose to be positive
2013 has proven to me that i am stronger than i would have ever imagined
2013 has proven that my marriage can endure serious heartache
2013 has proven that RT is the strongest most supportive man on earth
2013 has proven that we have a truly incredible group of family and friends standing beside us

and after today the year two thousand thirteen will be firmly in the past

hopefully next year will bring us the baby we want so badly
it is definitely bringing us an incredible new home to live in
and we will be together .. still standing strong .. even stronger than before .. all thanks to one pretty sucky year :)

happy new year everyone!!