our real life lifetime movie

last tuesday i wrote this post telling you all about our sweet TP
let me start by telling everyone how much your love and support means to us
so many of you reached out to us with kind words of encouragement and sorrow and we appreciate every single bit of it!!

last tuesday the tragedy of our still born daughter was my truth
today i have no truth

let me start on tuesday night at 7:30pm ..

RT was at work and my parents host bible study at their house on tuesday nights so when i got home from work i went upstairs .. changed into my pjs .. made some dinner .. poured some wine .. and sat down to watch glee on dvr

pretty quickly my mom came and got me and asked me to come down to their house and i thought she was being weird but what awaited me downstairs was out of the realm of my thinking

as soon as i walked in the door their house phone rang .. it was RT and he wanted to talk to me .. normally he would just call my cell phone but he wanted me to be with my parents for support

he had been in contact on and off all day with the agency that M was working with
M had signed the necessary forms in order for the adoption agency to acquire information regarding the birth and death of our baby
they had gone to the hospital and were told that they had absolutely no record of M being there .. let alone giving birth to a still born baby
she continued to stand by her story and even go into more and more detail until friday when RT finally got her to tell us that she had been lying the entire time
according to her .. she started to have second thoughts about placing the baby for adoption but didnt want to dissappoint us so she made up the lie about the baby dying
according to her .. she is still pregnant

we don't know if that is true or not but we do know without a shadow of a doubt that the story she conjoured about our little girl dying was a lie

i can't even imagine what kind of person could do something like this ..

when you go through the process of adoption .. both the birth family and the adoptive family are made very aware that birth mothers have the right to change their minds and decide to parent at any point leading up to the time when they sign their relinquishment papers
it happens all the time
women often feel very different about their little ones when they see them and hold them
we knew that was a risk factor in this situation

in fact M and i had talked at length about how if she did change her mind .. RT and i both wanted her to know that while we would be heartbroken we would be extremely supportive of her and would love her and the baby no matter what

but instead of being honest with us .. she made up a lie that hurt us more than anything ever has
neither of us have ever felt the depth of pain and sorrow that consumed us when we were told that our daughter had died
M and i talked on the phone several times throughout the weekend immediately following her lie
she described to me in detail what the baby looked like .. lots of dark wavy hair .. dark complexion .. long full eyelashes .. five pounds .. eighteen inches long .. big feet and hands
she told me what it was like to hold her and bathe her and clothe her
she told me that she had saved the hospital blanket and hat that they had put on her so that she could send them to me
she asked if we would be a part of any funeral arrangements that she made
she and i cried together numerous times

and it was all a lie

 

i have been filled with an immense amount of anger and betrayal

i have been in shock that people like her actually exist

but i refuse to allow her to have any more control over me

 

RT and i beleive strongly that GOD wants us to adopt

we are confident that this is the path we are intended to be on

we have no idea why M was meant to be a part of our story but we do know that one day when we are holding our baby in our arms that every bit of this horrible i word journey will have lead up to that moment

 

so for now i continue to praise GOD for the many many blessings in my life rather than dwelling on the awful that has become a very real part of our current normal

 

and who knows .. maybe someday we will sell this crazy sick twisted story to the lifetime network and they will make a hit movie out of it ..

 

ha! kidding!!

 

happy tuesday!!