chosen

top: has no tag so i have no idea :)     skirt: nastygal     shoes: circus sam edelman

i remember laying awake in bed with my sister on the night that RT and i got engaged thinking this is the best feeling in the world! nothing else could ever feel this good!
and then we got married and that was every bit as good and even better. our wedding and reception were perfect for us and leaving the most fun party of my life married to the love of my life .. i felt on top of the world

i was scheduled to go to work yesterday but one of the girls that was scheduled to work saturday needed to switch with me so RT and i had the day off together. we were embarrassingly lazy. we stayed in our pjs and watched tv until lunch time. at which point we got decent enough to leave the house and rode the motorcycle into the square for lunch. afterward we rode around for a little while before returning home and parking ourselves back on the couch. we were sitting there watching tv and RTs phone rang. the side of the conversation that i could hear went like this ..

hello
may i ask who is speaking
yes it is
oh hi yes she is right here
ok i will put you on speaker

it was susan .. our adoption consultant. RT put the phone on speaker and she told us that the birth mom who had seen our profile that day had chosen us
I burst into tears
we had been chosen. by the very first birth mom to see our profile. i don't even know what was said during the rest of that conversation really {ha!} I was too shocked and excited and blissfully happy

we were chosen

after telling all of our friends and family i called the birth mom's contact at the agency she is working with. she told me that we will get to talk to the birth mom on the phone by the end of next week and then we will get to meet her at least once before her baby is due

to say that i am excited doesn't even come close to expressing the feeling. this birth mom .. she is everything to me. she is firmly part of the list of people who mean most to me in the world. to be able to talk to her and meet her will be a dream. i can't wait to know her. to have a picture of her in my mind. to become friends with her. to become family with her

needless to say .. yesterday ranks just as high as the day we got engaged and the day we got married

our prayers were answered
we were chosen
praise the LORD!!

happy weekend!

someday

dress: h&m     top: gemma     shoes: jeffrey campbell

our adoption consultant created a group on facebook in which everyone who is either currently working with her or worked with her in the past can be a part of if they want. this week people have been posting pictures of their kids and y'all .. it swells my heart. all of these sweet families with their precious kids and all I keep thinking is someday that will be us
people post pictures and stories when they get their babies and it is the same .. I don't know when but I know that someday that will be us


someday we will get the call that we have been matched
someday we will get the call that our birth mom is in labor
someday we will meet our little one for the very first time
someday we wil get to hold them in our arms and kiss their soft hair
someday we will have not just an i word story but a birth story .. a complete story

i don't know when but i am learning to be more and more patient every day
so for today there is comfort in someday

last week in selfies

soooooo sometimes i feel like a big dweeb taking selfies .. i mean clearly i still do it but i just always think they turn out kinda weird

but anyway .. life is crazy! crazy! crazy! right now so finding the time to do outfit pics is pretty much nonexistent

instead .. here is what I wore last week .. a young fabulous and broke long skirt with a bella lux t up top --> a sam and lavi dress with a little lace vest and my go to rachel comey booties down the right side --> army green cargo skinnies with a striped joie blouse and some jeffrey campbell tapestry booties along the bottom --> a sparkle and fade tie dyed top worn with the most amazing fitting citizen jeans a neutral cardi and steve madden oxfords along the left side --> and in the middle those same amazing citizens with a trina turk leather tank dolce vita wedges and a bright red urban expressions bag

there you have it folks .. a week in a day :)

happy monday!!

vivid

our adoption consultant posted this on facebook and i am obsessed with it .. so beautiful!!

my intention today was to post a house update .. so many major changes have been made this week .. but as i sit here all i can think of is the birth mom who could be reading though our profile right this very second .. the house update will have to wait

i don't know this birth mom but i have a very clear picture of her in my mind
i don't know how this process works but in my head i see the scenario play out step by step
i see her walking through the doors of the adoption agency this morning full of hope, fear and anxious and excited nerves
in my head she is dressed in jeans and flats with a fitted t.shirt worn sweetly over the beautiful growing baby
she goes back into a room and sits down at a table to pour through the family profiles her agent has brought to present to her
there are four or five profiles out on the table and taking a deep breathe she reaches for the first
she reads through them all
hanging on every word
analyzing every picture
is this couple THE couple??
will they love my baby as much as i do??
will they give my baby everything i want them to have??
are they the ones??

i know that i cant even come close but i feel like i almost feel her feelings .. mirror them
i so badly want us to be the ones for her baby
to be the family that meets her wants and needs and expectations

i am nervous and scared and hopeful and feel so much love for that sweet woman
her bravery and love is unimaginable
i am in constant prayer for her
that even if we aren't the ones .. she will find the family that is

could be

via

at ten thirty this morning a copy of our adoption profile arrived at an agency to be presented to a birth mom for the very first time. from what I know .. she will see it on friday and then we should have feedback within a couple of days

on monday as RT and i were pulling into the parking lot to have dinner for his birthday i randomly decided to check my email. this was weird because i had just left work and once i get off work i usually don't check email again until i am about to go to sleep. but regardless of my normal routine .. i checked my email and among the junk that incessantly fills my inbox was an email from susan .. our adoption consultant. any news from her is big news in our opinion so i opened it immediately. it was info on a birth mom and susan wanted to know if we would like to present our profile to her

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RT!!

we were that couple at the dinner table on our cell phone. normally i am a big stickler for no phones at the table but neither one of us could stand to wait until after dinner. we read through all of this sweet momma's info .. emailed susan seventy nine million times with twice that amount of questions and then made the decision to present

every step of this journey has brought a new level of emotions

nerves .. excitement .. fear .. hope .. you name it i'm feeling it

this birth mom will see our profile
she will look at our pictures and read all about us
she will sort through all of her emotions and hopes and dreams for her child and decide if we are the family she wants to choose
the family who can give her baby the life she wants them to have
this could be our birth mom .. this could be our baby .. they could be our family

could be..

the big three oh

today is RT's birthday and he is officially 30!!

at this point i would like to point out that i am still firmly in my twenties for 3.5 more years ..

anyway .. saturday night i threw him a party out at the lake and all of our family and closest friends were there to celebrate with him. thank you to everyone who made it .. we appreciate it so so much!! tonight he and i are having dinner just the two of us and then it will be another birthday come and gone

here is to many many more!!
happiest of birthdays to you my love!!

343

this is what happens when your husband makes you laugh at the exact moment he is taking your picture

top: madison marcus

bottoms: j brand

shoes: mia

heavy on everyone's heart today is the tragedy of 9/11

i know my post on this day every year is roughly the same but my feelings toward the memory of that day are very consistent. interestingly enough .. they are different now than they were on that day .. they are different now that I have RT

9.11.01 i was a freshman in high school. i was sitting in my science class joking around with my friend sitting in front of me when another faculty member came into the room and told our teacher to escort us to the library down the hall to watch the tv. we watched the second tower get hit seconds after we filed into the room. pretty quickly everyone's cell phones started ringing. i was not yet 16 therefore {much to my dismay} i was not allowed to have a cell phone .. so the call from my parents came to the school office {funny how rules seem so ridiculous when you are a kid and now looking back i agree with them}. my dad came to get me and take me home and i remember talking about whether or not there would be a draft and if my brother would get drafted

i remember that day vividly
a tragedy like no other
and yet now on the anniversary all i think about is the fallen firefighters and their families

when i tell people what RT does for a living so many respond by asking if his profession scares me. honestly it doesn't. it would be completely debilitating for me to live in fear every time he goes to work
instead it seems mundane
like any other job. the same as sending your husband to the office every morning
he just comes home with way more interesting stories {ha!}

but that is how all of those spouses felt the morning before the 9/11 terrorist attack
it was just another average morning
and then it wasn't
their loves were ripped from them without warning
my heart bleeds for them
for their pain and sadness that i know is still so raw that they feel it every single day

i am beyond proud of RT
to go to work everyday ready to save lives ..
he is a hero
he is MY hero

remembering not just the 343 fallen emergency workers but every life that was lost on that horrible day

nothing to say

honesty is the best policy .. i have nothing to write today but feel the guilt of not posting for two straight days .. so here i am

that is the thing about writing a blog
most of the time it is my happy place
my place to show off outfits {some good some bad ha!}
vent about life
connect with others
i love! this blog!!

but sometimes i just have so many things going on in my head or so many things on my to do list or both that i either can't find time to post or start a post and find i have nothing to say .. and in creeps the guilt and insecurity ..

people will stop reading if you don't at least write something every few days
once you get out of the habit it will be hard to get back in
look at that person's blog .. they post every single day .. you should at least post a few times a week
blah! blah! blah!

those of you who are my readers .. i appreciate you so much!! knowing that there are people out there who like to read what i have to say .. or are interested in my style choices .. or think my story is worth while .. you are the people who keep me coming back to this space. you are the reason i keep writing and have a place that has become such a refuge

it's just that sometimes i sit down to write and nothing comes out .. so for those days i apologize but keep coming back because i will still be here :)

.. it might just be tomorrow instead of today

happy tuesday!!

hurry up and wait

top: patterson j kincaid

jacket: capulet

pants: charles henry

all available at the hoop if you are interested :)

this is what i wish i was wearing today .. sadly it is one million degrees outside and i would melt .. moving on ..

RT and i were having dinner last night and we were talking about the adoption {surprise! surprise!} which led to the last year+ of trying to become parents and one main thing this time has been is a lesson in patience

whether it was when we were just talking about if we were ready to start a family or when we were actively trying before we knew about the i word or when we were going through rounds of ivf or now when we were going through the adoption process .. it is all A LOT of waiting

we started talking about having kids in june
we decided to start trying at the beginning of august
and then twiddled our thumbs until august arrived

we found out about the i word in october and made the decision to do ivf

we had to wait until january to start round 1

then we had to wait until april to transfer

then wait 10 more days for a pregnancy test

then wait until may to start round 2

then wait to transfer in june

then 10 more days for the next pregnancy test

then decide to start the adoption process

become busy busy bee to get all of your pictures and paperwork together

wait 4 weeks for the home study

then 2-3+ more weeks to receive the finished home study

then send in applications to agencies

then wait to be approved

then wait to be presented to birth moms

then wait to be matched

then wait for the baby to come

 

wait

wait

wait

 

we are currently waiting on our finished home study

not impatiently but just waiting

no matter how eager we are things take time and we have to be patient

we are constantly hurrying up to wait some more

you think GOD is trying to teach us something?? {ha!}

happy weekend!

the storyteller

via

my boss at the hoop is in a book club that meets every other month. i love love love to read so i often pick her brain about the books if she liked them and end up reading them too. they just finished reading the storyteller by jodi picoult and she raved about it. so .. i downloaded it on audible and have been listening to it during my commute everyday

yall .. it is so good!! not a light read at all but really well written. i got out of the car on the biggest cliff hanger this morning and can't wait for the drive home so that i can know what happens next

if you are into reading i absolutely recommend this book

this is the synopsis written on the author's website ..

"Sage Singer is a baker, a loner, until she befriends an old man who's particularly beloved in her community. Josef Weber is everyone's favorite retired teacher and Little League coach. One day he asks Sage for a favor: to kill him. Shocked, Sage refuses—and then he confesses his darkest secret – he deserves to die because he had been a Nazi SS guard. And Sage's grandmother is a Holocaust survivor. How do you react to evil living next door? Can someone who's committed truly heinous acts ever atone with subsequent good behavior? Should you offer forgiveness to someone if you aren't the party who was wronged? And, if Sage even considers the request, is it revenge…or justice?"

 

hope you all had a relaxing labor day :)

 

happy tuesday!!