the elusive two pink lines

jacket: true rebel
dress: target
shoes: dolce vita

when RT and i first started trying to get pregnant back in august .. before we knew about the i word .. i had all these visions of what it would be like to find out we were pregnant

i pictured us anxiously awaiting the day that my period would be late enough that we should probably take a pregnancy test

i pictured us sitting there that morning watching the three minutes tick away on the clock on my phone giddy with excitement

i pictured us finally getting to look down at that wonderful little white stick and seeing two pink lines telling us that we were pregnant .. two pink lines that would change our lives forever .. two pink lines that would confirm that our dreams of having a baby were coming true .. two pink lines that would take our family straight from 4 to 5 {i can't leave the dogs out ha!}

i pictured us hugging and {me} crying and being over the moon with our perfect little miracle that we now knew was growing inside of me

i pictured us both getting on our phones and going down the family phone lists telling anyone who would listen about our big news

i pictured myself calling the doctor to make my very first prenatal appointment

but that is just not how it went for us

for three months we anxiously waited

and every month my period came

and then we learned about the i word

a week ago today we went in for our very first pregnancy test at the i word doctor

i was beyond nervous and couldn't stop crying

i was crying out of nervousness

i was crying out of excitement

we were called back and the technician that we love so much took my blood
our sweet nurse that we also love so much came over and promised she would call with the good news as soon as she got it

it wouldn't be two pink lines but it would be the i word equivalent

RT and i went out to breakfast and then i headed to work for the day. waiting on that call seemed like it took an eternity. they told me it would most likely be between 3 and 5 but if they got the results back sooner they would call sooner

at 1:33 my phone rang

i jumped up and walked to the back room to answer
it wasn't our nurse .. it was our doctor .. i  knew immediately

i have bad news for you today he said

i am sorry to tell you that your pregnancy test was negative he said

i have never felt that kind of sadness in my life

i locked myself in the bathroom at the store and sobbed and sobbed trying to call RT

he wasn't answering

he was helping a friend move and didn't answer for over an hour

i left work

i couldn't stay

i had to get home

i had to be somehwere that it would be ok to cry for the rest of the day

so that is that

i am not pregnant

still not pregnant

still so sad

so confused

so angry

we had a doctor's appointment on friday and are starting our next i word cycle as soon as we can
throwing ourselves back into the line of fire
picking up the millions of tiny little pieces of my shattered heart and handing them back to my doctor hoping for different results this time

still waiting on the most precious most elusive two pink lines

more selfies and a 7 year old

top: bella lux
jeans: free people
shoes: jeffrey campbell

so we all know how great i am with the tripod and getting good selfies {HORRIBLE!!}

but RT is out of town and sometimes you just have to make do you know what i mean?!

today this precious angel turns seven!! SEVEN i tell you!! 

when i talked to her this morning i said i just can't believe you are already seven and she said yea i know my mommy wishes i was still one

i have two things to say about that .. 

first .. i am with her mom .. one seems way more reasonable than seven

second .. what kind of old lady am i that i'm saying things like i just can't believe you are already seven to my niece?? it's a wonder i don't have white hair a walker and dentures .. geez!

anyway .. one or seven she is such an awesome little girl. she is sweet and fun and is one of my favorite people in the whole wide world

she had several of her little friends over for a princess tea party birthday party and she told me that it was so much fun!! they played and ate cookies and drank tea and made crowns and there were no boys allowed .. the girl has three little brothers .. you just can't blame her {ha!}

angel jane .. you are so very special to me and i am so happy that i have gotten to enjoy you for these seven years that you have been alive. you made me an aunt and it is one of my most favorite things to be. thank you for that! i hope you know how much i love you and what a fun little girl you are. give seven all you've got sister! you only get to be seven once and i just know it's going to be a great year

all my love 

two posts in one

woowee!! this past weekend was a really big one for us

these are my children!!

 

we got our babies on saturday morning!! i don't even know how to try and explain how that felt and continues to feel. going in and seeing our little tinies on the screen as the embryologist sucked them up into the catheter .. I couldn't not cry. I just lay there and cried the happiest tears while i held my sweet husband's hand .. we were getting our babies. finally .. after all of this craziness

indescribable

so now we wait for a week before we go in for our first of three pregnancy tests. I have been telling my babies in my tummy to burrow in and get comfortable {THIS IS YOUR MOTHER SPEAKING!!}. I have been praying my heart out for GOD to give our babies life. to give us a chance to love them and snuggle them and teach them and learn from them

impatiently waiting for monday!!

we spent all of last week packing every single thing we own because we moved out to my parent's house over the weekend. sunday was our first night in our new diggs and it has been really great

on sunday .. RT and i got up early and he packed up both of our cars. we drove out to the lake and RT unloaded everything {he wanted me to rest :)}. then I drove him back into town where he loaded up the last few things and I went back to our new home while he finished up everything that was left to do at our house. then he rode his motorcycle out

my mom was a huge help!! she didn't let me do anything .. she literally kept scolding me to sit/lay back down {ha!}. while she unpacked everything. she told me over and over that we brought way too much stuff.

you have too many shoes

you have too many clothes

you have too many socks

he has too many shoes

etc

etc

but you know what .. aside from some clothes and shoes in the closet at their house .. everything fits quite nicely. and we are going to be there for a pretty long time so it just didn't make sense to leave any clothes and/or shoes behind

it just didn't

happy tuesday!!

two weeks+5 days

photo taken from here

i don't know why but this post is hard for me to write
i don't know why but i don't know what to say
i don't know why but i don't know how i feel

but i do know that tomorrow morning at 10:45 

i will be two weeks and five days pregnant with our teeny tiny little babies

they will no longer be frozen
they will no longer be in a lab
they will no longer be in a petri dish

they will finally be inside of me 

where i imagine it is warm and cozy and smells like sleep 

{if you don't know me you will think that last one is really weird ha!}

i hope they like it in there
i hope they get all sorts of comfortable and decide to stay for nine months or so
i hope that 9 to 11 days after tomorrow they will both still be in there hanging out and getting bigger

i hope

some inspiration

all images found on pinterest

RT and i are moving out to my parent's house this weekend. we will be living there while our house is completely remodeled. we are so lucky that we get along as well as we do with my parents and that they are gracious enough to let us live with them. having somewhere to live that isn't a month to month apartment with college kids partying all around is more of a blessing than i can even describe

when i was a kid .. my parents bought the property that they live on now and my dad, brother, brother.in.law, and grandfather built a three car garage with an apartment on top. until i graduated high school it was our lake house but my parents always had the intention of building the main house and moving out there full time. RT and i will be living in the garage apartment

it is much smaller than what we are living in now but it is plenty for us to be perfectly comfortable. the space is set up so that when you walk in the door you are in a large room that is the living room, dining room and kitchen and then behind that is the bedroom and bathroom with a laundry room. having our own space like this will be so nice because it still allows us to have the privacy that we are used to while getting to spend more time with my parents as a bonus. it is going to be a big change but we are honestly excited about the move

one of the changes that is going to be a little bit of a challenge is the closet space. there are two small closets in the bedroom that were built to be weekend closets not live here full time closets {ha!}. so .. i have been scouring pinterest all morning for fun ideas of open air hanging space. if we do anything like this i want it to be fun and intersting to look at so that it isn't an eye sore that we have to live with for the next however many months. i have not run this idea by the parentals so i don't know if hanging something from the ceiling or walls would even be an option but even if i just lacquer a rolling rack with a fun color and hang all of our prettiest clothes on it that will be cute i think

anyway we have been packing our lives away in boxes and will be well on our way to a whole new world as of this sunday :)

happy wednesday!!

curly hair don't care

top: joie
pants: rich + skinny
shoes: jeffrey campbell

hello there :)

i hope you all had a lovely weekend!!

there is something about pattern mixing with black and white patterns that i love love love! the stark contrast of the colors combined with my uncontrollable urge to mix patterns of any kind seems like such an obvious choice in my brain {ha!} 

the fit of these skinnies is to absolute die for and the pattern is actually a set of bird talons mirrored .. ah!maze!ing! and don't even get me started on this top .. i bought it at the hoop the very first season i worked here {five and a half years ago!!} and it continues to be one of my favorites

i always tell RT how much i believe in investing in good quality clothes. i feel like clothes perfectly follow the saying you get what you pay for. i mean i bought this shirt forever ago .. have worn it so many times i can't even count that high and it still looks like new :) now don't get me wrong .. i love a bargain just like anyone else and i have plenty of pieces from lower end designers but i have no qualms shelling out a little extra dough to get the higher quality stuff. after all .. clothes is what i do right?!

and just in case you were wondering .. i started progesterone shots last night and they are not exactly my favorite {ha!} these shots go in my rear {lovely i know} and the needle has to be long enough and big enough around to inject the medication into my muscle. the nurse actually called it the meatiest part of my butt .. no shortage there {ha!} 

i am not kidding you guys that needle is like t        h        i        s        l        o        n        g!!! 

and you all know by now how much i just love shots .. needless to say i had an all out kiniption. i was sobbing to the point of not being able to breath correctly and saying over and over i'm too scared i can't do this. to which RT responded .. then let's just not .. let's tell them you just can't do this shot. he is so sweet :) he hates that i have to go through all of these shots but we have to do what we have to do so .. we numbed it with some orajel and iced it until my whole cheek was bright red and had exactly zero feeling what so ever and in the needle went. i honestly didn't feel it at all .. i know i know a lot of drama for nothing .. but hey that's just how i roll :) today it's a little bit uncomfortable but nothing i can't handle

it is just one more step toward getting our baby and at this point i am willing to do pretty much anything {ha!}

saturday is our transfer day and we adamantly asked if there would be any reason at all that the transfer wouldn't happen on that day .. we didn't want to be blind sided again. our nurse assured us over and over that no matter what saturday will be our day

so the official countdown to transfer begins ..

4.5 days .. 108 hours .. 6,480 minutes .. until we get our babies!!

happy monday!!

acid.washed.denim

top:  an old tom petty concert t
sweater:  love zooey
jacket: mavi
pants: free people
shoes: dolce vita

so i got this acid washed denim jacket while we were on vacation in crested butte and i basically haven't taken it off since. i haven't owned a jean jacket since about 1999 but when i saw this one i just had to have it. i am not lying .. it goes with absolutely everything! 

i went for a kind of casual chic outfit today. i love pairing all comfy slouchy items with super high heels. i feel like the shoes give it that little punch that takes it from glorified jammies to wear to work. don't you agree?!

i have since pulled my hair into a side braid because i slept with it wrapped around a headband last night {tutorial here} but it came out way curlier than i was going for. oh well .. braids are good too {ha!}. i will say though .. i sleep with my hair like this kind of a lot and most of the time i really love it!! it is a great way to get curls with basically no effort and it takes exactly zero time at all in the morning which makes it tops on my list!! my hair just has a lot of natural curl so sometimes it takes to the twirling a little more adamantly than others :)

happy weekend!!

tutu.wahini

top: gemma
sweater: beyond vintage
skirt: american apparel
tights: free people
shoes: jeffrey cambell

it has gotten way cold around here again. i love the cold but once you feel the warmth for the first time in spring .. it is really hard to welcome the cold back in. one thing to welcome though is the rain. it is painfully dry in tx and i am delighted to see any little rain drop we can get

i am completely obsessed with this tutu from american apparel but it isn't a piece i can really wear all the time. it is a special mood sort of choice and today was a tutu kind of day. it is funny because everyone comments on it when i am at work. the women around here are pretty buttoned up and conservative so seeing a skirt like this that isn't meant to be funny or a costume is very unexpected. i love it though!!

happy thursday :)

casa

 

hey there everyone :)

 

i hope you all had a fabulous Easter weekend!!

 

back in the fall i wrote this post about our house decision .. to buy or to remodel .. we have decided to remodel

 

we have been working with an architect since the beginning of january and last friday he delivered our final set of construction documents

we have hired a builder and he has lined up the engineer and all of his subcontractors

we have sent in our paperwork to the bank to get approved for financing and we are {a little imaptiently} awaiting their reply

 

as soon as we get the go ahead from the bank we are going to pack up our dogs and every last thing we own and move out to the lake to live with my parents for the duration of the project and i am ecstatic!!

 

we have the plans laying on our dining room table and every time i pass by i get a little flutter in my stomach. we are making major life changing decisions left and right and i am so ready for everything to be underway

 

all good things :)

 

happy monday!!

 

 



top: rebecca taylor

jacket: rebecca taylor

bottoms: genetic denim

shoes: jeffrey campbell

sunglasses: prada