and on and on we go

a REALLY long time ago .. we looked like this :)

for me {and also i think us} this is like no other emotional roller coaster you could ever find yourself on. one minute you are sad and devastated and the next your feel pretty positive and at peace. and then before you know it the heart break strikes again. followed by complete faith and hope. it is seriously intense

RT sent me a text the other day that said .. this process sucks. i'm literally hating it! and i totally get where he is coming from. some days are just like that right now

i am terrified of needles to the point of hysteria and yet here i am having my husband give me three shots a day!! not to mention the blood work every few days at the doctor's office

needles have become my world
my life line
my only chance at biological children with my husband
my only chance

it makes me cry just letting that fact seep in .. this is our only chance

and then comes fear .. what if we go through all of this and it doesn't work. what if we get to the end of all of these shots. of all of these emotions. of all of this faith and prayer and hope and we don't get a baby. the thought of that heart break paralyzes me

we can try again. and if we don't get a baby this time we will try again but no matter what .. ivf is our one and only

physically i am fine .. my stomach is swollen and a tiny bit sore but at this point the only bruising is on the inside of my elbows where they draw the blood and i am not having any serious pain. still having pretty intense hot flashes and a couple head aches here and there. some minor mind loss issues {ha!} and am feeling pretty tired but overall the physical aspect of this has been fairly breezy so far {i'll keep you posted} but the emotional part is a major load to bear

so today i am praying for success. i am praying that the LORD blesses us with a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby on our very first try. i am praying for our team of doctors and nurses. i am praising GOD for their experience and expertise and praying for the peace and comfort that they are and will continue to do the very best that they can for RT and i
i am on my knees before my GOD with the comfort that because of HIM i will never find myself in a situation that i cannot endure

we can and we will get through this
one way or another
we will find the other side