it's a ..

RT and i went in for our anatomy sonogram this morning and got to see our tiniest munchkin

we loved swooning over every tiny feature .. every twist and turn .. every heart beat .. every kick

we just love this little one so very much!!

and most exciting of all .. they confirmed that ..

happy tuesday!!

forshizz up the spout

this stage of pregnancy always reminds of that exchange in the movie juno when she tells her friends that she is pregnant ..

juno.. i'm pregnant
leah.. it's probably just a food baby. did you have a big lunch?
juno.. no, it's not a food baby all right. i took like three pregnancy tests and i'm forshizz up the spout

i see people looking at me .. and then looking down at my belly and then looking back up at me
i can almost hear their internal dialogue ..
is she pregnant?
or maybe she has just gained some weight?
i need to ask (fill in the blank) .. she might know

no one wants to ask and i don't blame them
no one wants to be that person who asks the not pregnant girl if she is pregnant
but because i am pregnant .. it kinda makes me laugh

so from my food baby and me .. happy thursday!!

growing

soon my family of 3 .. 5 if you count the dogs .. which we do .. will be a family of 7
crazy right?!?

i think it was right around the littlest'  first birthday we decided we were ready to open our hearts up to adoption again
we talked with our consultant .. updated our home study  .. and began reading about birth mommas

it was a different process for us this time .. as has been our experience each time
we presented to several moms before we were matched
we got the call saying we had been matched on monday december 28
our baby is due to be born at the first of may
we were ecstatic when we heard the news and immediately began celebrating and planning and praying for this birth mom and her baby

then .. 3 days later .. on thursday december 31 .. i took a pregnancy test
positive

if you know our story then you know that, medically, we have a zero percent chance of becoming pregnant naturally
we have done the testing many many times
science says no .. God says yes!!

we were not at all expecting to ever be pregnant again
and when we decided to present to our birth mom i wasn't late so it wasn't on our radar

but things changed .. quickly!!
we let our agency know that we are pregnant but still very much want to adopt this sweet baby
they talked to the birth mom and she said that if we are sure and feel realistically prepared .. then she is still confident that we are the family for her baby

so .. God willing .. in a very few short weeks .. we will have our second precious baby in our arms
and then at the beginning of september we will have our third precious baby in our arms

it's about to get real busy around our house
and we couldn't be more excited for it!!

happy tuesday!!

broken together

this past sunday was valentine's day and we started our marriage series at church
this is a series we do every year in february and it is always one of my favorites
one of the couples in our church shared their story of loss and heart break and then they sang a song called broken together

i sat and listened with tears running down my cheeks
it is not unusual for me to cry during worship
i enjoy the messages so much but often the songs are what pierce right to my heart

i couldn't relate to this couple's exact situation
but i can relate to being broken together in a relationship

"the only way we will last forever is broken together"

i realize RT and i are still just starting out in our marriage
but we have lived a lot of life in our few short years
and sadly we have experienced a lot of sadness

luckily we have been broken together
while i am sure that we had our times that we felt at odds with each other
when i think through our family building journey up to this point .. we have been together
a team
supporting each other and lifting each other up

there have been times when i personally felt that there was no way i could be lower
no way i could feel more sad
more heart broken
more discouraged
you name it

but .. i was constantly getting closer to my husband
infertility and failed adoptions can make you feel so alone and isolated
even though others have experienced something similar .. they haven't lived your story
but RT and i were living our story together
he knew exactly where i was emotionally because he was in the trenches with me

so on this tuesday after valentine's day i celebrate my husband
he is my ultimate partner in life
he is my true love
he is the only person with whom i would ever want to be broken together

happy tuesday!!

bees .. the magic word

the littlest is starting to learn lots of words

she talks all the time about everything

and because we are around her all day everyday we really understand a lot of it

as her language is erupting we are trying to teach her to say certain things

expression of feelings and manners being our main objectives

the word please has been high on our priority list

she was whining when she was wanting something so we have been encouraging her to say please instead of whining

thats a good thing right??

of course it is!!

except now she feels like please is the magic word to get her whatever she wants whenever she wants it

last week it was just the littlest and i for dinner so i made us a yummy bean cheese and egg sandwich to share

normally this is a dinner she would love which is the whole reason i made it 

but on this particular night she was absolutely not having it

she kept throwing her bites on the floor and swatting them out of my hand

so i put her down out of her high chair at which point she went straight to the pantry doors and starting banging on them say bees! bees!

she wanted cheerios for dinner .. not what i made

but i didn’t want her to have snack food for dinner so i said no

naturally she didnt like my answer so she started throwing a fit

she was crying and slumping her shoulders and banging on the pantry doors

bees! bees! bees! 

i let her have her fit .. finished our my dinner and then got up and left the table

she is too little to really understand you have to eat what i make if you want to have dinner so i was not willing to just let her go hungry until her bed time bottle but i also didn’t want her she get rewarded for throwing a fit

once she calmed down and moved on i made her a pb&j and she ate it and the rest of the night continued without issue

i gained an awesome video that i have shared with anyone who will watch because even though she was upset she is adorable and so funny!!

and i think technically we both won .. she didn’t eat the cheerios for dinner but she also didnt have to have the original sandwich that i made

and as a little side note .. i do make things other than sandwiches

happy tuesday!!

big things

big things are happening around here

big things are exciting

big things are scary

big things give me anxiety .. both the good anticipatory kind and the bad freak out kind

when i gaze out into my future .. i can see the changes

i can visualize how it will look in my everyday life

but there are lots and lots of unknowns

and the unknowns are what can snake up out of the ground and imprison you with fear 

but when i am afraid, i will put my trust in you .. psalm 56:3

recently my pastor said something that stuck with me

he said .. if you have fear then you don’t truly trust in God

i would have said that i do trust God

but i realize now .. shamefully .. that my trust falters .. ALL THE TIME

instead of trusting in my Lord i fear the what ifs

as the future unfolds i will work hard to recognize my fears for what they are and turn from them into the light of my Father 

when i am afraid .. i will trust in Him

happy tuesday!!

getting crafty for Christmas

a few weeks ago .. hot glue gun at the ready .. i decided to get a little crafty

as mentioned many times before .. i love to decorate and this year i was hankering for a new wreath for our door and a way to display the Christmas cards we receive from family and friends

i searched online but couldn't find anything i loved and on top of that .. things were pretty pricey
so .. i decided to make what i wanted

i sent RT .. the most amazing husband in the world .. to hobby lobby to retrieve supplies while i stayed home with the littlest

a couple of hours and many phone calls later he returned home with bags full of exactly what i needed

both turned out even better than i hoped!!

here is the wreath ..

and here is the card display that hangs in our dining room ..

happy Christmas week everyone!!