a glimpse of light

via

i am a talker. if you actually know me the simplicity of that statement might make you laugh. to say i'm a talker is an understatement of major proportions. going right along with that .. i am also a writer. i journal quite a bit. just getting my thoughts and feelings out. it is kinda like therapy .. i just pour out my words on paper/computer as a way of moving forward from wherever i am

on this blog .. i only talk about some things and normally it is not religion or my beliefs. that is not because i am ashamed of my faith but because .. in general .. my blog is a very breezy space that I use to show my creativity and love for fashion .. but sometimes {as you may already know if you are a regular reader} i force myself to be honest and dig down to show my true emotions {you might want to get used to this kind of post for a while :)}

today is a little bit like that except i don't have to dig down .. these are the only words i have. it is this or nothing :)

as a christian, i find myself in a fairly consistent state of prayer. i have worked hard at conditioning myself to pray as many times throughout the day as i can. constantly acknowledging my LORD's blessings

always
for everything
all day long
every single day

i am aware that everything i enjoy and experience is a gift from my heavenly FATHER. that includes the hard stuff. the moments of sadness and confusion and heart brokenness. but what i have found is that .. for me .. it is hard to pray during those times

the dark times

however, not everyone feels this way. some people i have talked to find it easier to pray during times of need

in light of this .. let me explain my reasoning ..

i know that GOD planned for me way before i was ever born. HE knew every detail of my life from beginning to end before my parents even considered getting pregnant with me. i fully trust HIM and HIS plan. i want to follow the LORD's plan as accurately as possible without straying. i trust that every situation i find myself in .. whether happy or sad .. has a very specific purpose. i am meant to experience these things
nothing is by chance

so .. during the dark times .. i find myself at a loss for words

what i want is to scream

and cry

and beg for relief and understanding

what i want is for GOD to protect me from hurt and sadness

what i feel .. if i am really being honest .. is betrayal

my FATHER loves so unconditionally

so passionately

so how could HE ever lead me into the darkness??

knowing how troubling it would be

knowing how hurt i would feel

what i want it to be enraged

to spit words of anger about how

i would never let someone i love go through something like this if i could help it

so how could HE??

but i can't
i can't because i trust
i trust that GOD leads me through life with purpose
no mistakes .. nothing is by chance

so what do i pray for?
courage?
strength?
faith?
because relief isn't really an option ..
i'm meant to experience this pain .. for some reason that is still unknown to me
nothing is by chance

anger is a defense mechanism
GOD understands it but that doesn't make it ok
anger becomes a wedge between me and the LORD
so .. anger is out

instead .. i find myself in a state of silence. not being able to find the words
not the right words
or even just acceptable words
i have none

no outlet of communication

just faith

the mindset to weather the storm

eventually the skies will clear .. just ask noah

no mistakes

nothing is by chance

eventually .. the light will pour down

in the midst of the darkness

just when you think you can't go on anymore

HE is there

always

"in order to keep us from becoming too attached to earth ..

GOD allows us to feel a significant amount of discontent and dissatisfaction in life ..

longings that will never be fulfilled on this side of eternity

we're not completely happy here

because we're not supposed to be

earth is not our final home

we were created for something much better"

- rick warren: the purpose driven life -

" when life gets tough

when you're overwhelmed with doubt

or when you wonder if living for CHRIST is worth the effort

remember that you are not home yet

at death you won't leave home

you'll go home"

- rick warren: the purpose driven life -

the magical world

as you probably already know .. my family and i just got back from a week long disney cruise. there were 37 of us total and it was such a blast! getting to spend so much time together as a family was really special for everyone of us and it was even better that it was disney. there were 13 kids the oldest of which is 8 and so disney really was the perfect choice. it was entertaining for every age group

 

so here is the run down ..

we got on the boat on saturday .. were at sea all day sunday and monday .. stopped in st. thomas tuesday .. stopped in san juan wednesday .. were at sea thursday .. stopped at disney's private island "castaway cay" on friday .. and got back off the boat saturday

 

there was a ton of stuff to do on the boat. there were several pools and slides and water rides for the kids to play on/in. there was a different musical theater show everyday. all of the different disney characters were making appearances throughout the day everyday so that you could get their autograph and have your picture made. there was a movie theater playing several different movies currently in theaters. there were pools for adults only, several restaurants and a few fun bars. there was even a magical place called the bippity boppity boutique where the little girls could go and have their hair, makeup and nails done and some of the synthetic hairdos our girlies acquired were nothing short of spectacular :) the staff was amazing and the boat was really nice

 

the port that was best for the entire group was castaway cay. the beach there was really pretty and clean and they have built the whole place up with tons and tons and tons of things to do. we played on the beach and made sand castles. played in the water collecting sea shells and floating on tubes and rode the water slides. we took a jaunt on the water tricycles and personal catamarans and sailboats. we stayed on the beach all day long and it was really a lot of fun

the other ports were really nice too but were way more suited for adults rather than children

 

these are memories that i know we will all treasure forever! what a special trip it was :)

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

happy wednesday!!

still a rockin'

hello world!

we are back from our big family disney cruise and y'all .. it was seriously awesome!! i will post pictures and what not soon. one thing that is so weird about being back though is that i still feel like i am rocking from the waves. my sister and i were laughing this morning because we were trying to balance in our work out class and that is hard to do when you are riding the waves {ha!}.

anyway .. as fun as being out of town is .. it is always nice to get back home too. we had a pretty long weekend of traveling and getting home and getting the dogs and all that jazz so being back at work and falling back into my normal routine is a welcome activity.

did you all have a good thanksgiving? i hope so!! it honestly didn't really feel like thanksgiving to me haha. we were on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean and i had italian food for dinner. it was super delicious italian food so i am definitely not complaining but it just didn't really feel like thanksgiving at all.

so for me .. thanksgiving came and went without even really a first glance and now it is officially christmas season which happens to be my most favorite season of all!! RT put up our house lights before we left and i put up the tree and all of the inside decorations yesterday. we are super festive and i am already loving every minute of it. i even turned on some Christmas music for a little while at the store this morning {ha!}.

happy monday!!

top: joie

jeans: citizens of humanity

shoes: dolce vita

headband: anthropologie

a diva .. a family affair .. and a birthday girl

i took this picture of layla at work and it was too perfect not to share :)

tomorrow morning .. at an hour so early i can't even bring myself to say it out loud .. my parents are picking RT and me up to go on a vacation with my mom's entire side of the family for a week. there are 40+ people going!! we had a big family to begin with but then all of the cousins started getting married and having little chitlins and now we are this giant mass of humans.

i can't even begin to explain how excited i am to be going!! we haven't been on a family vacation like this since i was in middle school i think. and to top it all off .. this isn't just any vacation .. it's a disney cruise!! all of my siblings and cousins have young kids and this is truly going to be a trip that will cater to every single one of us. when the age range is 5 months - 81 years .. appealing to the group is a HUGE task to say the least.

AND .. tomorrow is my niece emery's birthday. she is turning 4 which is nothing short of impossible  and what better birthday could you ask for than a disney cruise that your entire family is on. i would have died for a birthday like that when i was a kid.

so .. to you emery .. i say .. you go girl!!

be back in a week guys .. everyone enjoy your thanksgiving and be sure to eat lots and lots of yummy food!!

happy weekend!!

some chili y'all

a few weeks ago i made this chili for dinner and it was extra delicious so i thought you guys might also like to try it :)

 

i made it in the slow cooker which is even better because i just put all the ingredients in before i left for work and then when i got home .. viola! dinner is served!!

 

here is how i made it ..

 



put a whole small ham hock in the bottom of the slow cooker

saute an onion .. a bell pepper .. and three or so cloves of minced garlic

brown up about two pounds of whatever ground meat you like. i used turkey but you could use beef or pork or veal or whatever suits your fancy. once it is fully cooked .. pour it over the ham hock

pour in the sauteed veggies and add three tablespoons of tomato paste .. three tablespoons of chili powder .. one tablespoon of cumin .. and one cup of whatever beer you happen to have on hand

next add one can of drained and rinsed beans {again you can use whatever kind you happen to have on hand/like .. i used pinto} .. two cans of petite diced tomatoes {DO NOT DRAIN!!} .. and one can of mexican style tomatoes and green chilies {DO NOT DRAIN!!}

quarter up six or so tomatillos and put those on the very top. your slow cooker might look like it is WAY TOO FULL of food but so what .. it gonna be SO yummy! put the top on it ..turn the slow cooker on low .. and get your booty to work because you are probably running late

after you get home .. take the top off .. and just stand there for a minute with your face over the pot and enjoy the smell. you think i'm kidding but i'm not .. this is very enjoyable .. the smell is quite lovely. then stir it up .. laddle it out .. top it with whatever kind of fixins' you prefer {i used cheese, cilantro and sour cream} .. and enjoy!

happy wednesday!!

tomorrow

you know how you are always advised to live for today? you never know if today could be your last so live each day to the fullest ..

ya well sometimes that is really hard

don't you think??

sometimes you are just waiting for tomorrow to come
anxious for the things that tomorrow will bring
thinking of what you will experience
wondering if tomorrow might .. just possibly .. change everything

do you guys ever feel like this??

it is like when you were a kid and on the first day of school your teacher said something like .. christmas will be here before we know it .. and you thought to yourself .. yea right crazy lady!! christmas is NEVER gonna get here!!

sometimes it feels like tomorrow will never get here ya know?

but then .. if you are lucky .. it does

tomorrow simply appears

and then .. just like yesterday it is gone

and most of the time .. it was just a day

a day like most of your other days

a blessing none the less but just a day

but sometimes .. tomorrow changes everything

who you are going to be from now on

where you are going to go in this life

what you are going to experience

who you are going to know

never underestimate what tomorrow might bring

happy monday!

friday five

five things one my want want want list ...

1 ..

black milk galaxy leggings {drool}

i don't know why but i am really obsessed with fun funky legwear right now .. if you are too and you have yet to check out the black milk website i advise you do go there NOW! basically every legging they have is ah! may! zing!

2 ..

seriously asos?! this playsuit is exactly what my holiday wardrobe dreams are made of!!

3 ..

again with the legwear .. these are by betsey johnson and i am in l.o.v.e!

4 ..

L.A.M.B + leopard + wedge = WOW!

5 ..

i really haven't been buying basic denim lately but my go.to dark skinnies are quickly becoming faded comfy slouchy skinnies so it is time for some new and these j.brand are just what dr. denim ordered

happy weekend!!

a sussie

when my mom gets something for us that is a gift but isn't for a particular occasion she calls it a sussie. she always has and honestly i didn't know until very recently that "sussie" isn't a word that everyone uses. but anyway .. this shirt was a sussie from my momma.

next week my entire family {40+ people!!} are going on vacation and i have been keeping up with all of the emails dealing with travel .. confirmations .. reservations .. etc. that is what the sussie was for. my mom really didn't want to be in charge of dealing with it all and she asked me too. i don't mind at all and she obviously didn't need to get me anything but i have been eyeballing this shirt at the hoop so i'm being a gracious receiver {ha!}. tanks momma! it is super cute right?!?

hope you are all having a great week!

happy wednesday!!

top: sam + lavi

pants: joe's jeans

shoes: jeffrey campbell

coming home :)

 

RT is boarding the plane to come home to me right now!! i'm so excited to see him!! he left on thursday of last week for a vegas trip with some of his friends. he has had a great time and i am so glad but i am ready for him to be home. the trip always seems way longer to the person who was left at home doesn't it?

 

on a different note .. i love this dress .. and these boots {ha!}. i have had them both for several years now but i haven't gotten tired of them yet. the dress is vintage and the shape is so classic. it is timeless and flattering and the colors are great for fall. they are not too bright but still very colorful. even though i love the fall and winter and love clothes for those seasons .. sometimes all the dark dark dark gets a tiny depressing. i love mixing bold colors into my cold weather ensembles.

 

happy monday!!

 

dress: vintage

belt: hand-me-down from nana

boots: frye

plumb lyrics

well, everybody's got a story to tell

and everybody's got a wound to be healed

i want to believe there's beauty here

'cause oh i get tired of holding on

i can't let go

i can't move on

i want to believe there's meaning here

how many times have you heard me cry out

'GOD please take this'

how many times have you given me strength to

just keep breathing

oh i need you

GOD i need you now

standing on a road i didn't plan

wondering how i got to where i am

i'm trying to hear that still small voice

i'm trying to hear above the noise

how many times have you heard me cry out 

'GOD please take this'

how many times have you given me strength to

just keep breathing

oh i need you

GOD i need you now

oh i walk

oh i walk through the shadows

am i .. i am so afraid

please stay

please stay right beside me

with every single step i take

how many time have you heard me cry out

how many times have you given me strength

how many times have you heard me cry out 

'GOD please take this'

how many times have you given me strength to

just keep breathing

oh i need you

GOD i need you now

i need you now

oh .. i need you

GOD i need you now

i need you now

i need you now

song lyrics:

need you now (how manny times)

by: plumb

top: blu pepper

pants: genetic denim

shoes: jeffrey campbell